The Season of Just Living It Out

When I pick up my pen to write it doesn't always transfer to the keyboard, which then doesn't always transfer to this blog, as the date of my last posting suggests!  But that is okay.  Although I love to encourage others (the main reason I have this account), public view is not the entire point of writing my thoughts down.  "You" reading what God has taught me should really just be the postscript—you know, that which comes only after my act of applying what I am being taught!

I treasure the time I can have in the morning after Kevan leaves for work and before the kids wake up (the latter being especially important)—the sun just rising, coffee in my mug, a warm fuzzy blanket, and me on the couch with the word of God on my lap. I have a little journal that fits in the pocket of my Bible cover that I can pull out and jot down those precious promises or words of exhortation that God speaks directly to my heart.  I write to make His word part of my thoughts.  It helps me ponder it in my heart. It is a discipline that teaches me to treasure the truth!  And I love being able to go back and reference what I have learned.  

But honestly...those kind of cozy mornings are not always a reality.  "Alone time" is a luxury when you have little ones in the house!  I have to be intentional if it's going to happen (earlier bed time for me, breakfast for the littles already thought out, house tidied up the night before, etc), but even when I work hard to plan a quiet hour with the Savior, it only takes a mili-second for it all to fall to pieces. 

My children wake up earlier than normal and just like that, 4 hours later, my coffee (warmed up for the 4th time) is cold and I'm still in my pj's!  And my incredible devotional experience is chalked up to a verse or two!  

These days of parenting, making a happy and orderly home for my darling husband, engaging in the ministry outside of the abortion mill, playing secretary for our ministry, and keeping up with correspondence fills the minutes I used to use filling up the pages of my journal with my pen!  It is the season of actually (and often, only) living out what the Lord is teaching me, not having the pleasure of teaching it to others or writing it down in a cohesive thought.

It is a season that must be embraced with complete acceptance as to its limitations and boundaries.  It is a season the Lord desires for me to live joyfully and with content before my children.

That last paragraph sounds vaguely familiar to my heart—like what I heard back in the lonely hours of my single years.  Yes, those years I felt were plagued with limitations and boundaries. Those days I had to fully accept my situation and joyfully live it out in contentment.  Those years.  Wow, life really just continues to teach me the same things over and over...as if the Lord desires I learn what it means to follow after Him alone.  How thankful I am for His patience and love as I fail to trust Him in my day to day living (the day to day small and sometimes wretched details).  C. H. Spurgeon's wife wisely writes, "Comparatively few Christians put God's keeping power fully to the test.  If we would trust Him for the keeping, as we do for the saving, our lives would be far holier and happier than they are."  

I love having the time to write—I greatly miss all the time I was able to give to preparation and teaching others.  And I look forward to my life re-entering a season that will include these realities once again, if the Lord so wills it.  But that is not what encourages spiritual growth, nor a happier and holier life.  It is the application of those things I learn while sitting at the feet of Jesus—not the expounding upon them.  Whether I have had the richness of leisure before the Throne of Grace or just a few minutes to spend in His word, may God find me living out what I am learning—taking the truth I glean and diligently applying it to my life.  Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute—from crying baby to getting lunch on the table.  Warming up my cuppa one more time, and displaying what joy and complete surrender looks like to my watching children.  

I Don't Deserve This

“God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace to the humble.” James 4:6

God’s Word is very direct and it is always truthful—it is a powerful discerner of both the thoughts and intents of the heart! This must be fully understood and believed, or it will not change us, as it is promised to do. We may read it, study it, hear sermons preached about it, take notes on what we hear—we may even teach its truth ourselves—but it will have no effect upon us, unless we believe it to be true.

When reading verses like this in James, we may breeze past them with a sigh of relief, praising God for His acceptance of us and therefore the promised abundant grace at our disposal at all times. But could our gratefulness be insincere? Could our sigh of relief actually be an avoidance of introspection from the Almighty? What is pride…what does it mean to be humble?

The English word humble comes from the Latin word humus, which means earth. Webster’s defines humility as not being arrogant or assertive, reflecting a spirit of discretion and submission. The Greek word that James used in chapter four, indicates that of disposition—taking on the manner of lowliness, whether choosing that position or being forcefully placed in that position—regarding a certain circumstance. God gives grace, James declares, to those who purposefully dwell in a state of surrender, regardless of what is happening around them—regardless of what is happening to them. This is where it begins to break down. This is where I personally can begin to “cover up” my pride and deceive even myself that it does not exist in my own heart.

Pride is a hindrance to our inheritance. Can you reflect inner peace at the same time you are being falsely accused? Can you sing for joy despite the pain being inflicted? Have you ever known contentment within a situation you pray will change? Have you been given Christ-like love for those who irritate you? Do you own the ability to endure whatever may come? We are promised these realities through the Spirit—but we will never experience a single one without the willingness to “turn the other cheek to those who strike [us]” (Lamentations 3:30 NLT). Jeremiah preaches in Lamentations, chapter three, that it is good “to submit to the yoke” and that there is blessed hope only to those who “lie face down in the dust” (vs. 26-30 NLT). We are not given the choice to suffer insult or not—but we are always given the ability to choose humility in the midst of it!

If pride is the hindrance to gaining these precious possessions, then I believe that our attitude is the manifestation of that pride. The definition of a DRA (my mom’s creation—translated, dirty rotten attitude) can be summed up in 4 little words: “I don’t deserve this!”

Attitude is a response—a bad attitude is a bad response! I don’t wake up deciding to be grumpy, unforgiving, or just plain mean, just for the fun of it. No—it is because someone rubbed me the wrong way, it is because I was treated unfairly, it is because God continues to allow prayers to remain unanswered, and I, arrogantly choose to respond incorrectly. I take these situations, situations beyond my control, and I decide the best way to deal with them (which is, whatever makes me feel better, of course). It brings some sort of relief to strike out at that which causes pain. Although this is sin, it is easily justified—I am experiencing pain, or rejection, or frustration at the hand of another—and my flesh convinces me that I can take care of the problem as I see fit!

Are you guilty of choosing attitudes according to how they make you feel? Are you willing to humble yourself in only certain situations—willing to forgive certain people and not others? We must be very careful of this—the promise of God’s grace comes after the declaration of his judgment! He tells us that He will resist those who choose to resist Him. When we resist what He is allowing, as if we deserve better, we are resisting Him. Again, this is strong language and not something we would easily admit to. We don’t have to—God defines what it means to resist Him, for us—and therefore we are without excuse! “The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy” (James 3:5).

What makes you sinless?—committing one error in comparison to your neighbor who has committed a hundred? What makes you humble?—all the right responses you have chosen in comparison to the one little attitude you are holding on to that says, “I don’t deserve this!”? There is great danger in this kind of thought process. We deserve hell!

“Be afflicted and mourn and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up” (James 3:9-10).

When we choose to not put on humility we bring the judgment upon ourselves. We are essentially telling the Lord, “I don’t need You—I don't need more peace or more love or more contentment,” and His response is, “Okay!” With His arm stretched out against us, He purposefully turns His face away! Our behavior measures out His mercy! That is what James is teaching! You want grace abounding more and more? “Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded” (James 3:8).

Humility says, “I am nothing! You, O Lord, are everything! I don’t deserve this; I deserve far worse. It is Your blood that redeems me. Show me my sin! Help me not to evaluate the sin of another—even those sins that are committed against me. I surrender to You completely. I choose, right now, to lie face down before Your throne, and I trust You alone to lift me up!”

He will, for “the Lord is good unto them that wait for Him…although He cause grief, yet will He have compassion according to the multitude of His mercies” (Lamentations 3:25, 32).

“God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace to the humble.” James 4:6